It is with great reluctance, due largely to the emerging ‘emo-culture’ (*read ‘manure harvest’) of our teenage generation that I’m forced to label myself a ‘benighted traveler’. I actually agree, without lack of great disdain and notion of physical violence, with the tongue-pierced, long haired hoodlums; life is overrated. Feelings of gloom and inadequacy that rush through me while I “ruminate”…God, these kids have turned me into a ‘Twilight: the movie/gay-vampires-parade!’ character. Though I’m clearly trying to fend off the psychosis my mind is spiraling towards with ‘comic relief’… it’s finally caught up with me. I find my mind evanescing to another world, excogitating on the darkness that palisade me. What is this nothingness shacking inside me? I have to endure this torture, ruthlessly insistent, begging the moral-defying question that either shatters men or brings them to glory…‘why’. I know to an extent that this agony dwells on the hopes and desires of all men, but it’s taking a heavy toll on me…I’m running out of road to run on, my comic relief is dangerously close to becoming one liners borrowed from crappy sitcoms(*Seinfeld…the horror). I’ve been demented by the humdrum of this irksome wretched life for too long. The struggle to retrieve cognizance, the emptiness that surmounts me endlessly, leaves me adrift to a meaningless, yet meaningful, void. It’s a puppeteers life that I’m forced to live every day: the show that I have to put on to subsist, stamps out the tiniest bit of flare left. Why can’t be I euthanized? Instead of going through this mortifying show that they call ‘life’, why not end it…
Sometimes I just gawk at the Incongruity between what was the picture shown and what it was actually meant to be. The irony catches me laughing uncontrollably…these are the mundane affairs that commence and constitute my every day. “It’s too bad I never got to live; but then again, who does?” It’s just a routine now.
The comatose prevails till noon tide, and then the ritual submergence in the ‘elixir’ starts. Slowly, I drown myself with the elixir, hoping against hope for the lepers inside my head to drown along with me. A harmony estranged to my kind, probably only for the faithful, settles in and blankets the universe, leaving everything torpid; The Lady of Fate slowly passes by, shaking her head disapprovingly. The conformations that ravage me slowly fade to insignificance with each fading glimmer of the Lady’s smile. Slowly, the elixir simmers me down to a dreamless slumber.
Yes, my dependency on these drops of tranquility is hapless, but these dips and dims are the only rope pulling me through this realm of bedevilment. The elixir solaces me; my only allayer of despair. Should I feel ashamed for my sin? If I’m to believe in God, it would be only by the love I hold for Him. Attrition is a coward’s rationalization, not mine.
Not before long, daybreak comes and signals the start of yet another day of relentless restlessness. As I continue to elude the reason behind my existence, and meander aimlessly through life, a truth daunts on me: deep down, I realize that there never was a greater plan. This life is nothing more than a depiction of the insignificance of being. The so called Divine plan was doomed to failure….I have failed.
By Armaghan Sabir
armaghansabir@gmail.com
By: armaghan
About the Author:
Sometimes I just gawk at the Incongruity between what was the picture shown and what it was actually meant to be. The irony catches me laughing uncontrollably…these are the mundane affairs that commence and constitute my every day. “It’s too bad I never got to live; but then again, who does?” It’s just a routine now.
The comatose prevails till noon tide, and then the ritual submergence in the ‘elixir’ starts. Slowly, I drown myself with the elixir, hoping against hope for the lepers inside my head to drown along with me. A harmony estranged to my kind, probably only for the faithful, settles in and blankets the universe, leaving everything torpid; The Lady of Fate slowly passes by, shaking her head disapprovingly. The conformations that ravage me slowly fade to insignificance with each fading glimmer of the Lady’s smile. Slowly, the elixir simmers me down to a dreamless slumber.
Yes, my dependency on these drops of tranquility is hapless, but these dips and dims are the only rope pulling me through this realm of bedevilment. The elixir solaces me; my only allayer of despair. Should I feel ashamed for my sin? If I’m to believe in God, it would be only by the love I hold for Him. Attrition is a coward’s rationalization, not mine.
Not before long, daybreak comes and signals the start of yet another day of relentless restlessness. As I continue to elude the reason behind my existence, and meander aimlessly through life, a truth daunts on me: deep down, I realize that there never was a greater plan. This life is nothing more than a depiction of the insignificance of being. The so called Divine plan was doomed to failure….I have failed.
By Armaghan Sabir
armaghansabir@gmail.com
By: armaghan
About the Author:






