Are emo girls dateable, you ask? Why, yes they are. I’ve dated them, so that is definitely true. However, emo girls are difficult to get, as it takes time and patience. They’re harder to get than ordinary, nerd, or sports girls, but are easier to get than popular girls or cheerleaders. Emo girls are really hot due to their unique hair styles and cool clothing and their “don’t fuck with me” attitude. Don’t go on a date with them without reading this. It will help you, a lot, seriously.
APPROACHING
When approaching an emo, you need to know some tips on how to do so correctly and safely.
Tip number 1: Analyze her; no, not her body, but you got to admit she has one fine body, but seriously, no. Look on the way she acts and at her facial expression. By carrying out this reconnaissance you can identify her by her attitude, and know how to make the right approach.
Tip number 2: You must understand that you are typically putting yourself at risk. Emo girls are, as any girl, equipped with dangerous weapons such as nails, pepper spray, and defence skills such as head butting and kicking. Unlike other girls, however, emo girls will not hesitate to use these weapons, and may be equipped with more dangerous weapons such as switchblades and handguns. Their nails will usually have nail paint on them, so any scratches received from an emo girl could get infected if not treated right away. That’s why it’s wise to check first; you wouldn’t cross the road without looking would you? Remember:
Nice Emo= Poses very little threat
Mean Emo= R.I.P.
I learnt these tips the hard way, and have the scars to prove it.
Tip number 3: Do not do any of that, “Hey baby, how about you and me get a milk shake, check my Pecs” or try any of your “groovy” pick up lines; in fact don’t do that with any girl because you’ll look like a total dork if you do. Usually, if she doesn’t get frightened off first, emos could have a discussion with you if she likes you, but may get freaked out if you’re not talking about angst, misery or depression. This would seriously ruin your chances. In some cases they tend to be shy and will run and hide, so take a delicate approach.
ON THE DATE
Forget about going to fancy places like the Melting Pot. When you are dating an emo girl, you don’t have to worry about spending all of your money on expensive places. Instead, ask her where she wants to go, as the places emo girls like tend to cost less than when dating another girl. She loves hardcore music, so taking her to a punk concert would be a great idea, and punk concerts are cheaper than normal concerts. They also like to be around gloomy and sad places where people are mourning and full of pain and misery, so why not take her to a funeral, even if you don’t know the person. And if anybody asks, just say you’re here for a special occasion. Watching warehouse fires is another great date idea since emos love to watch things burn; it warms their souls (keep a blanket in the car to sit on in case you are lucky enough to come upon a warehouse fire).
SEX
Like all girls, emo girls like gifts. Emo girls always like jewelry, but you might want to stick to the blunt ones. Preferred jewelry includes earrings, rings for their nose, rings for their tongue, rings for their lip, rings for their eyebrows, rings for their eyelids, rings for their spleen, necklaces with skulls, and bracelets. They don’t like ordinary jewelry, so get them jewelry from places such as Hot Topic. Tattoos are another great gift to give to her, as long as it has a dark theme to it or something you see tough guys in bars wear. You should, however, remain ten feet away if you are getting a mean emo girl a tattoo; it can get real bad. They also like stuffed animals like a Hello Kitty or a stuffed Domo, and, for some strange reason, like stuffed animals that like to eat people, like a man eating stuffed bear or a blood thirsty stuffed rabbit.
Emo clothing is also preferred, so if you want to get her clothes, get her a black shirt, jeans, a spike or metal belt, and any non-girly shoes, as this what the normal emo girl wears. If you want to save money, you can give her things like thrift store clothing, and poetry books with all the pages cut out. Just don’t give her a Barbie doll. You don’t want to know what they do to Barbies. Let’s just say that they take their rage from getting this kind of gift from you out on the Barbie, and it ends up in boxes with its limbs in different boxes. Good thing she likes you just enough to not do that to you.
Well, I didn’t have sex until I was married (as I don’t want to get an STD), so my info on this may be at variance with that given by others. I am not telling you how to have sex with your emo girlfriend because that’s what health class is for. But I can tell you the experiences you may encounter. Once she asks you to come in her house (or bedroom), try to realise if she is seducing you. Once it’s clear to both of you that that’s what she wants, it’s time to rumble.
During this happy experience you’ll be taken into a meadow full of gloomy dark blue flowers. Then you will float through a magical dark place with music and the sight of cute little bears with blood on their mouths. Ravens chirp various bird sounds as you view the lovely place full of dark wonders. Moving on you are then taken to a hard rock concert, where you get down and other related things; the faster the music plays the harder you rock out. Then everything slows down to complete silence, and you find yourself in a small room where you rest peacefully.
When you wake up the next day, you will realize what happened between you and your emo partner. You enjoyed it so much that you’ll want to do it all over again, but restrain yourself, you don’t want to overdo it. Just wait for few days before starting the process all over again. Oh, you or your partner did remember to use protection, didn’t you? If not, and if you’re not married, you’re in big trouble.
Compliment the girl on her looks. Emo girls tend to be obsessed about their look, especially their hair. If they change their hair for a day, bring it up and say that you like it. It will make them feel good about themselves, and will feel much more comfortable with you, knowing that you respect – and like – their style.